For the Steadiness
by hippiechick2112
Summary: Death saw that Margie Cutler always held onto steadiness as her anchor. The determination helped her to rise and stabilize her life. However, it brought a new set of consequences she was not ready to face. Story twenty-four in the series "After My War".


**For the Steadiness**

 **Note and Disclaimer: What more can I say other than I do not own anything expect my overactive imagination? Enjoy!**

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Love's embrace should be long, sweet and everlasting. Well, that was what my other sweetie, Lieutenant Margie Cutler, thought. When you're a poor kid living in New York City and always have to watch your mom work herself to death with housework and babies, you have to imagine the best dribble your mind imagines. Part of her sad tale begins with the dirt and grim.

Margie was the oldest of ten surviving children. In the Depression, that was a nightmare. Everyday, she dealt with not just school bullies who teased her about being so poor (more so than everyone else), but also her drunken lout of a father. He'd beat her mother and her siblings. She was also sexually assaulted and raped by the time she was ten.

But that didn't stop Margie from dreaming the impossible. She had to concentrate on something other than her living conditions. Other than romance, she always imagined steadiness. Life had a way of working out when you focused, she knew, and that was her strength. At first, it was thinking that she would gain enough money to get her mother and siblings out of their dingy apartment. When her mother died giving birth to her fourteenth child, Margie realized that taking nine screaming kids under sixteen was not realistic. She had to fend for herself.

When she was seventeen, she ran away from home and never looked back. Seeking steadiness, she found her chance at nursing and joined the Army. For this, she was grateful. It meant there was no threat of homelessness, no drunken men and most certainly no caring for children that were more hers than her mother's. Regret ran deep with Margie. She had to set it aside though. The Army may have been a snooze, but it offered her stability. Ever since then, that dream became her way of life. Steadiness brought her normalcy.

All things always came to an end. Before long, Margie got her first and only assignment – Korea. War broke out and she teetered between going and staying. She did not know what the war was going to bring her and she backed out when she could. Eventually, the call for nurses was greater and Margie had to go.

It was chaos. Margie was amazed by how easy it was to let go and get caught in all of the drama. There were sex-crazed doctors, a head nurse high on regulations and even a colonel who did not care. But Margie had one thing that kept her going and it was steadiness. First, it was pushing away Hawkeye and Trapper and remaining as distant as she could be. That alone should have made her appear steady. Next, it was knowing that she was being transferred to another unit because she was a distraction.

Well, that was according to Margaret Houlihan anyway. Margie was relieved. She went to the 21st Evac with glee, thinking that it will be the last she'd see of those two clowns. The unit was run with full efficiency. There was no anarchy and front-line madness. But good things did not last for much longer. Margie was transferred back to the 4077th…and fell in love with the man who returned her.

Even married, Trapper brought Margie steadiness. She dismissed her initial reaction to him, enjoying the lack of scenes, the romantic dinners and all sorts of promises…until she stumbled upon a letter to Louise. She read it with tears in her eyes. She knew that she was wrecking the life of this woman and her children by being with Trapper. She broke it off with him and went after Hawkeye. This on-again and off-again relationship lasted a while. It wasn't as steady as Trapper, but Margie began to understand what it truly meant.

It meant that she had to be like a rock. She had to stand tall and be her own person. Oh, Margie did that many times. She defended her fellow nurses. She acted in movies that mocked and portrayed war in its true light. She remained strong for each wounded man. Hell, she broke it off with Hawkeye when he lied to her about having "terminal marriage". She wanted nothing more than steadiness in her love life. When one rejected her so harshly, she had nothing more than empty arms and dreams of a better man.

When the transfer orders came the second time, Margie jumped on it quickly. She needed no farewells. She held her head high and left the 4077th to her last assignment. Tokyo was in her sights. Afterward, she was going Stateside and continuing her Army career as she always had – full of peace, quiet and steadiness. No men remained in her sights. Not after Hawkeye!

Nobody in the area was aware that North Korea snipers had dotted the area and were moving in fast. Margie was about three miles away from the camp when she heard some shots. She shrugged them off. Her nerves were used to it. But one of them did not miss its mark…and a bullet pierced the back of her head. Margie did not feel a thing.

I am Death though…and there is always a way to me. Margie Cutler did not have a life after the war. During it, she chose to rely on steadiness to keep her motivated. Her anchor was nothing more than a steel determination. Without it, she would not have rose from the slums of New York City and became a nurse. However, because of it, her initial resting place would be the hood of a hot jeep…and there was nothing steady about that.


End file.
